Tay Jay


So in order to nip some of the crap I have dealt with for years I am going to start writing in this journal more often, hopefully everyday.  I am trying to lose weight.  I have had weight issues since I was about 10 years old.  Though it really wasn't that bad until I went to college and gained alot.  I have been hovering around 225-230 range for a number of years now.  Time to deal with it and get it over with!  I seriously read some of my journal entires from years ago and every one is about losing weight.  It is rather sad that this has been a goal I have never accomplished for over 10 years now. 

I am now reading this book called Stop Eating Your Heart Out.  Its says that daily journaling is a must because it is an outlet for your feelings.  I am an emotional eater so this totally makes sense to me. 

That is where this journal comes into play.  I am hoping to start writing everyday about whatever is going through my mind. 

Today I met with my counselor.  We talked about me being stand offish towards others.  I have noticed this recently about myself so its sort of interesting that she pointed it out to me.  She mentioned that she has noticed whens he greets me I am not always warm but rather cold.  I don't know why I am like this as I am not like that always, which she noted.  I told her that I am not one to make small talk.  It rather bores me and I feel it is stupid to pretend to care about how someone's day is going.  Maybe its just me that doesn't really care?  I only ask that sort of thing to be polite, because I feel it is an obligation.  Not out of genuine concern.  Or maybe I should say I only ask it genuinely if I like someone or if its someone close.  I feel asking how someone's day is going is pointless because most people will say it is going good regardless if that is the truth or not.  At least that is always what I have been told to do as you don't want to be a Debbie Downer and bug people with your issues, right?  Idk I suppose I will buck up and make more of an effort to pretend to be friendly.  I don't want people to think I am a cold person afterall. 

Procrastination is my life.  As I write this I should actually be doing homework..lol

My head has been feeling weird today.  Like its not grounded on Earth, hate that feeling.  Working out usually helps but today it didn't seem to do the trick. 

I am excited that I discovered a couple new bands that I like.  That doesn't happen much anymore:(  I miss the days of being really excited to purchase someone's album.  Suppose that is either a sign of the times or of growing older.  No Doubt's album is coming out soon so I am hoping that is killer.  I just hate it how radio kills everything with repeated airplay!  Though sometimes I am no better when it comes to my iPod:) 

Cyndi Lauper is on Watch What Happens Live on BRAVO.  When I was little I loved her and Michael Jackson.  I remember seeing a news show on We Are the World and there was this women on there with orange, red and yellow hair.  My 5 year old self was amazed.  I told my dad about it and he pulled out her album and asked, "is this who you are talking about"?  I listened to her tape  on my Cabbage Patch tape player for years.  Fast forward to college.  A friend and I went to see her at the Minnesota State Fair.  I have to say she was amazing!  So much energy for someone her age.  Her voice was great.  A younger guy sitting behind us kept yelling "Goonies."  Probably was the only song he knew from her.  At one point she responded saying that the band wasn't trained on how to play "Good Enough" (from the Goonies movie).  The guy kept yelling it and next thing you know Cyndi sang it acapella for him!  Was probably the most amazing thing I have seen a performer do, especially in the middle of a show. 

Anyways I better put a dent in this homework!     

Tay Jay

Writer's Block: Love Me Tender

My favorite Elvis song is definitely An American Trilogy.  The last part where the band builds up to the last verse gives me goosebumps every time I hear it.  I think its the build up, then the all male backup singers coming in and then Elvis that gives me that powerful feeling.  When I was young I enjoyed his earlier hits and the ones he sang in the movies.  Now that I am older I have come to appreciate the older Elvis and some of the songs that may not have been hits.   
What is your favorite Elvis Presley song?
Tay Jay

(no subject)

My life has suddenly gotten too busy for me.  I went from working 36 hours a week at a job I could basically do anything at to working 37.5 hours on my feet, busy all the time.  On top of that I started school full time.  It sucks!    

I just want to go back to working the 36 hours, doing whatever I want.  Back to studying...  
Tay Jay

MJ's death trial

After over two years of waiting Conrad Murray is finally on trial for the death of Michael Jackson.  I refuse to call him doctor because I feel he doesn't deserve that title.  I want his license taken away more than anything because that will affect his life long term.  He is a disgrace to the medical profession.  If I were a doctor I would be appalled that he was still practicing.  

I am trying to stay emotionally detached from this trial, much like I did during the 2005 trial.  I don't see how he could possibly get away with it but if he does I don't want to be emotionally involved in any way.  

It pisses me off that so much of the public blames Michael for his death.  Um, NO!  The doctor has the authority and expertise in this situation.  He had the right and responsibility to say no to his patient.  He also was the one that gave the dose.  Since when did the standards for our doctors sink so low?

I also blame AEG.  The guys who are willing to take the risk with high risk clients (they also prop up Britney even though she isn't mentally capable of taking care of herself) in order to make money.  They were willing to put MJ up on the stage for the money.  Even when there were SERIOUS indications that he could not handle it.  Maybe physically but certainly not psychologically.  Which explains his lack of sleep and reliance on pain killers.  Add to that if my company was paying a doctor $150,000 a month it would be a physician that I picked myself.  And that physician would alert me to any problems going on with the client.  I don't care what Michael said, it should have been someone that was on AEG's side.  But then they already sold the tickets so what is it to them?  Already got their money, why would they care if he lived or died? 

And that recording of MJ......wow!  So terrible.  Worse than the picture, I feel. 

Here is a much better picture:)

Tay Jay

If I were running for President....

As I was watching the GOP debate tonight I found myself having great ideas on some of the topics.  I may add to this as time goes on so here it goes.
1. Creating jobs.  On this topic I feel America needs to be innovative in an area that would also appeal to the rest of the world so that we can eventually sell it to the rest of the world.  In my opinion this needs to come in the renewable energy field.  If we could put money towards researching this, much like we did the space program back in the 60s, then in 10 years I am sure we could find a better and cheaper alternative to oil.  Then we could sell it to countries like the EU, China and India.  I also feel this would help our situation in the Middle East.  We would not need their oil anymore and cut ties with them, leaving them to themselves as they want (for better or wore).
2. Foreign policy.  Bring our troops home.  Stop giving aid to other countries unless there is some major catastrophe there.  Start focusing on America again and bettering ourselves.  When we set an amazing example then others will want to follow it.
3. Taxes.  Close corporate loopholes.  Tax the hell out of bonuses given to CEOs.  Make everyone pay their fair share, especially the wealthy who should be grateful that our system enabled them to be rich.  They need to give back for it.  I would even consider a consumer tax on things considered 'luxury' items (much like they do in either Sweden or Norway, can't remember which).  Maybe if a person has more than one home I would really tax the hell out of the 2nd and especially the 3rd and so on. 
4. Healthcare.  Single payer period.  Try to encourage preventative healthcare.  One way to do this is to give doctors incentives to prevent health problems instead of letting drug companies give them a kick back to prescribe meds which doesn't get to the underlying issue of a lot of health problems.  I know that this may be hard cause a doctor can't control a patient but it would hopefully help the doctor make the choice to encourage their patient to make lifestyle changes instead of giving them a quick fix.  
5. National security.  More security equals less freedom.  Get rid of the Dept of Homeland Security.  I don't want to even start on the shady stuff that hs crept up in this area.  Also think private companies that are spying and collecting data on us should be outlawed.  If the government changes its foreign policy and starts treating its own citizens fairly then national security should take care of itself, over time.  All we need is patience.
6. Immigration.  Crack down on the rich and businesses who hire illegals.  Get rid of the notion that if one is born here they then are automatically a citizen.  For the long term thought we need to help make the conditions in Mexico, Central and South America better so that their people will not want to leave their countries but instead stay there to make them better and rise up.  This is what has happened in Europe and Asia so why can it not happen to the South of us?
Tay Jay


Lately I have been torn between playing it safe and taking a risk.  I was raised to play it safe and always found that boring and not what I wanted in life.  It sucks because the risks I want to take probably won't be supported by my family, they want me to play it safe cause that has brought them happiness so they think it will bring me the same thing.  I don't think that will bring me happiness.  Maybe contentment but I feel that is settling.  Idk....so confused and frustrated right now.... 
Tay Jay

In honor of men's soccer

Since I posted about the women, I also must show my appreciation for the men as well.  I love soccer players in the US because they play for the love of the game.  Not for the fame or money cause God knows Americans don't like soccer much...lol

Here is the Sports Illustrated for Kids that first introduced me to US Soccer with Cobi Jones and Alexi Lalas featured:

All time favorite men's player was Cobi Jones, loved his hair throughout the years!


New favorite player (Cobi is now retired) isn't a US player.  Sadly I don't find anyone on the men's team that appealing (both in skill and/or beauty) and have to look to foreigners.  This is Drogba, I think he is one of the most gorgeous men alive.  He was also in TIME magazine for being one of the top influential people in the world for his humanitarian work so that really adds to the appeal for me.  It is said that he and Abby Wambach have a similar style of play:)


And have to include Becks.  I just appreciate that there is a white guy who is (or was to some) that good at a game that is usually dominated by other races.  Also have loved his hair choices throughout the years (must be something with soccer players and hair...lol).


I don't know much about Ronaldo except that he is really good at soccer, is extremely good looking and, sadly, I have heard is an asshole.  Too bad.  Also love his hair;)  Kinda want that style for myself actually but don't know if I could pull it off.


Added note: Soccer players, both men and women, definitely have the best bodies out of any athletes (and have realized the best hair styles..haha).
Tay Jay

A New Hope for US Women's Soccer?

I have been a fan of women's soccer since I was a kid.  When I was a pre teen my parents ordered my bro and I Sports Illustrated for Kids.  In each magazine sent out they would have a set of sports cards in the middle.  I am pretty sure I still have Mia Hamm, Michelle Akers, Brianna Scurry and a few others cards back at my parents' house.  I have followed the National Team since the beginning and love to watch every game they allow on tv. 

Mia Hamm rose up and became the best female US soccer player and her reign lasted for the whole of her career.  This got her major endorsement deals, she basically became the face of US women's soccer.  Not only did she have talent but she had the looks that would appeal to the masses, especially the men that seem to control everything in the sports world, corporate America, the advertising industry, etc.  So Mia retired and left a huge void.  Who would now become the new face of women's soccer in the US and help promote it?

The legendary Mia Hamm in one of her many ads.  Miss watching her play:( 

Enter Abby Wambach.  I would argue that Abby is actually better than Hamm, though not as legendary (no one ever will be).  Abby is already number 3 on the top scorers chart and is on her way to bypassing Hamm.  Why has she not become the face of US soccer?  Where are all her endorsement deals?  Well for one, she doesn't have the 'all american girl' looks, in fact she is rather boyish.  Two, I am pretty sure she is a lesbian (so I have heard from lesbian websites).  God forbid all those little girls look up to a gay soccer player, a 'butch' one at that (for lack of a better term).

Abby Wambach, I think she is hot but then again I am a lesbian..lol

Number two scorer all time is Kristine Lilly, who joined around the time Hamm did and didn't retire until a few years after Hamm.  Mia has said numerous times the Lilly was a better player than her.  Guess what.  Lilly isn't as pretty and her sexuality was also ambiguous (though I now see she is married so I guess that is cleared up)  See a pattern here?  

Since Mia Hamm retired, women's soccer has pretty much lost popularity among the public because I feel US Soccer, the Corporation, has failed to promote it.  No pretty, skillful, straight girl to be 'the face' after all.   

Enter Hope Solo.  The last Olympics and this World Cup introduced another star on the team.  That is goalie Hope Solo (such a great name).  She has the skill needed to be the new face of US Women's Soccer.  Also has the 'white male approved' good looks, as I have read in many articles over the last few days.  Has a boyfriend.  It kind angered me cause Wambach has been the star (to those of us who follow the game),  since Hamm retired and yet many in the public didn't recognize it until this World Cup.  And even so I feel she is denied the stardom/recognition she deserves.  Yet the Corporate world will skip right over her to Hope Solo.  I am sure Solo will be given all the endorsement deals cause she fits into the little box men want their female athletes to fit into.  Definitely is a man's world, even in female professional sports.   

 Hope Solo.  Have to admit, she is hot:) 

Also would like to add that Brandi Chastain was a pretty average player and only got, and still gets, major attention for ripping off her shirt and showing her bra after winning the 1999 World Cup.  Don't know how many times I heard about that moment during this last week as well, forget about all the great soccer played during that WC.  

Tay Jay

Want to be a DJ

Lately I have been thinking about learning how to be a DJ.  I think I would enjoy it a lot.  Here are some things that indicate this:
1. Have love for music and am pretty knowledgable about various music (except country).
2. I love live music or recorded music being pumped loudly in a club.  The acoustics have always interested me.  I even contemplated going to school for sound engineering at one point.
3. When I am with someone in a car, in a house, etc I always want to control the radio.  I hate it when someone else does.
4. Part of the reason why I like control of the radio is to educate who I am with on the latest songs out there.  I loved to do this when I as in middle and high school!  Whenever my family went on road trips I would insist on control of the radio so that I could show my parents the awesome music I was listening to. 
5. I don't like to listen to whole songs and will usually change it before it is through.
6. I feel it is important for people (especially the younger ones) to be educated on songs from the past.

Now off to look into this more:)
Tay Jay

RIP Caylee Anthony

I have not paid a lot of attention to the Casey Anthony trial.  Why?  Because the media is using it, this little girl's death, to distract us from more important things.  They are exploiting this little girls death for their ratings and money.  It makes me sick.  Do I really care about the verdict?  Nope.  As far as I am concerned the jurors are the only ones that should judge Casey Anthony.  From being a Michael Jackson fan, I have learned that the media likes to withhold information from the public.  In these high profile cases they like to forget that people are innocent until proven guilty and then conveniently present a biased point of view thus effecting the public's opinion. 

Let's move on already!!!  It is what it is.  

As for Caylee, she is in a place where this type of bullshit doesn't exist, nor do the souls care.  The souls are also not out for revenge (or justice as we like to call it).  So take comfort in that.